Disappearing Act: a True Story by Jiordan Castle

Author:Jiordan Castle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)

YEARS FROM NOW

My mom will tell me it was selling our American Girl

doll stuff that broke her heart. Mine was Felicity,

Leslie’s was Samantha. Felicity rode horses

and Samantha was rich. Victorian?

These dolls with their stories, their books,

their accessories. Hairbrushes, suitcases, a horse

with a saddle and stirrups.

Leslie will have wanted them for her kids,

just in case, and I’ll have wanted my Pokémon cards

if only to look at them, protected in plastic.

WEEKEND

I tape up the last few open boxes I have

containing my little green stuffed hippo

and so many stuffed zebras,

an old music box from Disney World,

my dad’s keyboard, half-empty notebooks,

a couple of tubes of lip gloss—

anything not nailed down or in drawers.

Everything except

my everyday notebook,

where I write about the kiss, Chris,

and losing my only Mew card to a stranger.

Peanut watches from the floor,

edging toward the boxes and then

running away as I tear off bits

of packing tape. I text Chris and Maya

different updates

about the progress, promising to hang out

with each of them this week

after school.

We don’t hear from my dad

all weekend,

which makes me feel the horrible mix

of fear—the what if

that loops through my dreams at night—

and relief. The silence a threat

and a gift.

My mom says, I’m sure he’s fine

but crushes her napkin in her hands

at dinner on the couch,

a depressed mountain range. Leslie says,

How do you KNOW. My mom says,

I DON’T. Leslie says, All we do is worry

about him, what about us, a question

with no answer.

Leslie gets a text

and says she’s going out

with her friends. My mom says, Good,

have a good time. Drive safe.

She doesn’t ask when she’ll be home.

It feels like we have an unspoken rule:

just come home. That’s it.

More of a promise than a rule, really.

At least that’s how I feel.

I finally tell my mom, Maybe it’s just busy,

you know how it is, with the phones, I mean.

We lie to each other

and watch Galaxy Quest because it’s on TV

and because we both love the team

hurtling back to Earth,

rewinding time,

barely saving themselves from collapse.

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